So there I was, sitting comfortably, glass of red in one hand, the remote in the other, it could have been a regular Monday night in front of the tele.
Where the element of surprise came from, I don’t know, but as the show started and we were forced to re-watch the incredulous yet heart-breaking scene which sees Ollie dump Gabs on a rooftop clad with fairy lights, it dawned on me that we were about to be subjected to another series of break-ups, love triangles, and sexual explorations. Like Hugo and Millie’s relationship, Made in Chelsea
is ‘like magnetic’ - it seems to seduce its victims, sorry – viewers. I for one will be tuned in every Monday.
Despite the fact that I see these characters on a regular basis, up and down the King's Road, sipping cocktails with people they hate, and kissing people who they shouldn’t be kissing, I realised that actually, I half care about these fictionalised Chelsea prototypes.
Yes, I admit it.
My heart skipped a beat (well not really) when the wrong blonde-bombshell skipped through the arrivals lounge at Heathrow and leapt into Spencer’s arms. Not quite the reunion we had all hoped for, but a reunion all the same, and as first impressions go, there’s something quite lovable about cheeky chap Jamie. Maybe he is just what the show needs… a genuinely nice bloke.
“Capitalism makes you beautiful” was the quote of the week from entrepreneur Francis as he hosted a business meeting for some of the ugliest looking extra’s E4 has ever seen. If capitalism does this for our looks, I shall not be buying it by the bottle.
That aside, Francis revealed his latest business venture this week: the Francis Boulle Foundation which apparently stemmed from the fact that he was mugged by a youngster in Chelsea, of course, and the thing that stood out to him during the whole ordeal, was that the child had terrible grammar, obviously.
Francis went on to suggest that had the child been more eloquent, he might have given them his wallet. Francis is great for comedy value, but I almost feel sorry for the guy. I’m sure there are ways, in which the show’s writers can keep this valuable character humorous, without totally humiliating him.
Elsewhere, after giving his eyebrows a thorough examination, Ollie agrees to set up a date so that best friends Binky and Cheska can finally get acquainted with the new love in his life Chloe, and what better place for them to meet the Topshop heir, than a muddy lake in the Cotwolds? I mean, why wouldn’t we assume that of guy who likes to match his clothes with his antique furniture? “The two main passions in my life” says Ollie, “my friends and my angling.” Of course.
You may wonder, how does the fabulousness of Ollie Locke translate in the realm of fishing?
Well think Chanel tee teamed with waterproof dungarees, a pair of Hunters, and a Snowbee hat that would make the father of all anglers Izaak Walton proud.
The first meeting appeared to go well as Chloe impressed the girls by placing a live maggot on her tongue, and to think Sir Phillip had reservations about his 20 year-old daughter appearing on the show. Miss Green’s etiquette showed exactly what forking out thousands of pounds to send your child to a posh school in the south of France pays for. Perhaps she was missing the escargot de Bourgogne (snails to you and I.)
Later on the show Gabriella who is unimpressed by Chloe’s maggot trick, takes home the quote of the evening: “I ate a cricket!” – A little healthy competition never hurt anyone.
Speaking of successful television debuts, vampire-esk Victoria (who I find a tad scary if not intimidating) is making a great effort to be liked on the show, by going after someone else’s boyfriend in the first episode. Brilliant!
Surely there are plenty of Chelsea bachelors for Victoria to sink her teeth into without stealing the only non-bachelor in the area, according to Spencer and Jamie who this week, enjoyed reminding their friend of the fact that he is no longer single. Hugo is left feeling ‘psychologically bullied’ and sulking he claims that his friends are leaving him out of the ‘summer of love’ in which Spencer and Jamie embark on (despite having feelings for the same girl – Caggie.)
It all seems very playground, but ladies, you had better watch out because Spencer is back with a brand new plan (c) also known as: ‘the game.’
It seems that Spence is on a roll this week and what every bachelor needs on his birthday, a few snakes here, a couple of half-naked women dancing in cages there, confetti of course, and a bunch of circus freaks thrown in for good measure, Spencer is well and truly “loving the game.”
The other question is: Where is Caggie?
Oh, hold on, there she is pouting in the mirror of some mysterious hotel bathroom arranging a vase red roses, naturally. Come home soon Cagg’s, Millie needs you, Spencer is losing it and quite frankly somebody needs to put Hugo in his place.
Well… that was the first slice of the Made in Chelsea pie. And whether you are glad or not to see the return of the show, it seems Made in Chelsea
has provided us with a new breed of reality star, not the loud and tawdry Big Brother types, but something with a little more class. Perhaps now Kerry Katona can retire in peace after proving to the world several times over that she can look after her kids?
Questions for the rest of the series: Will Hugo get a taste of that exquisite cake Victoria Baker-Harber? Will Spencer grow up and stop playing games? Will Francis succeed in his elocution mission? And more importantly will he find love before Spencer stakes his claim on every single girl in Chelsea?
We shall see.
Rachael Grace is reviewing Made in Chelsea which is on Mondays, E4 at 10pm.