As they say in the Royal Borough, “Quam Bonum in Unum Habitare” - how good is it to dwell in unity, or not in this case. Made in Chelsea is becoming as predictable as Britney’s come-back hits. With more stops and starts than the circle line on Sundays, the boys and girls of Chelsea pouted their way through yet another mediocre episode this week.
The show opened with Millie and Louise trying on underwear at Myla
in preparation for Harriet’s “pyjama party” at Embargo. Yes, on one hand this means another monotonously themed party, but hoorah, at least now we can all stop pretending that people (excluding tourists) still go to Café de Paris.
Right on cue, (literally) Francis entered the ladies underwear shop to find Millie in her favourite compromising position of late, practically naked. “I’m just having a browse for the pyjama party” he told a befuddled Louise, “I’m thinking outside the box,” always the entrepreneur.
“I don’t know if I want to see you in a thong” Millie mused, although it was lucky really, that Francis and Millie should “cross paths” at Myla. “I wanted to enlist your services as a sweet taster” he said. In case you didn’t know, Millie’s Great Grandfather invented Quality Streets, which of course means she’s an expert on sweet tasting – all those years as a girl, spent chained to conveyer belt, chewing on toffees.
Meanwhile, Jamie was chauffeured to the country to pick up a familiar yet categorically sober Gemma, who had treated herself to a “proper full on detox” at Wotton House, Hotel and Spa. The last time Gemma graced our screens with her wilder than most Chelsea girl antics, we were at Jamie’s country house where we watched with horror as she cracked open a bottle of champers with her teeth. Ladette to Lady Gemma has changed a lot since then – “I’m looking for like a routine” she said, “but I was thinking to do that, I may need to get like a – a job.” Like – a job? Heaven forbid.
Elsewhere, on the streets of Chelsea
, Gabriella and Binky ran into the man of the moment Richard Dinan.
It seems that despite us having to sit through two seasons worth of tantrums, Ollie look-a-likes, and a music video to boot, the shoes were off this week as Gab’s was apparently angry with her ex-friend Cheska for liking her ex-fling Richard, who also happens to be Ollie’s best friend. Oh, who cares? “It was a brief thing, but I think I fell for him pretty hard.” By brief she means two days, but perhaps Richard has that affect on women, a way with very few words to say the least.
Common knowledge of anyone who parties in the Royal Borough, and coming from a girl who has spent many a night in Amika, the guy has history, not just with Gabriella, but also with Binky. Talk about playing with used toys.
In other news, Richard was looking for a new PA this week. Wait a minute, Gemma needs a job, Richard needs a PA, ohhh I see what they did here, those clever producers. “Go and talk to Richard” Jamie encouraged Gemma, “I will, he’ll be shagged to see me” she assured herself, and no pun was intended, we hope. The plot thickens.
Speaking of the plot, I think Spencer lost it this week.
Despite all the drama surrounding his and Jamie’s little boy spat over new girl Kimberley, he continued with his evil master plan to take her out for dinner. Just as we began to feel sorry for her, the minx played the boys at their own game by inviting them both on a date – Jamie for lunch, Spencer for dinner. That seems fair; however, Kimberley probably wishes she’d stayed at home after a rather uncomfortable lunch with Jamie who told her he liked someone else.
Her day plummeted when she met Spencer for dinner at Beaufort House
: “You do dress very seductively” Spencer smirked at the angelic Kimberley who by-the-way was dressed head to toe in white, “you kind of ooze sexiness, and yet...” he went on “I was under the impression that you were a virgin.”
This went down exactly how one can imagine, yet it is hard to achieve a ‘you-just-asked-if-I-were-a-virgin-on-our-first-date’ look when you are as sweet as Kimberley.
“I’m a good girl,” was all she could muster, shame on you Spencer. SHAME ON YOU.
Meanwhile: “I like cab drivers; they are like, one of my favourite breeds of people,” Victoria was spouting her usual drool to an audience of two – Mark Francis and Rosie, at Embargo
but no-one cared as we had just enjoyed Professor Green’s first cameo role on the show as Millie’s boyfriend. It must be a sure sign of a lasting relationship; taking your girlfriend to a party in her underwear, and having the vigour to drive away.
Speaking of Rosie ‘the home-wrecker’ Fortescue as she was widely known in the Twitter sphere for some time, not quite intent on stealing Millie’s boyfriend last season, but plans to steal her thunder also in the form of a “proper job” at Glamour Magazine, where Millie is only interning. Victoria seemed more than happy to fill Millie in on the news. Ouch.
As the episode drew to a close this week, Jamie did the unthinkable and left the borough with no hope of catching a plane somewhere warmer. Taking Kimberley’s advice, the “little boy” headed up to Edinburgh, all by himself, to reveal his feelings towards an un-expecting Louise and on her doorstep we were left in suspense, with the knowledge that Spencer just may have got there first.
Next week on Made in Chelsea
Things go from bad to worse between Spencer and Jamie as they both attempt to win over a torn Louise as she returns to London. Elsewhere, Ollie plays match-maker but will the new guy Richard choose his old flame Gabriella over Cheska, leaving her single for yet another series? Meanwhile, Millie tries to patch things up with Rosie but can their friendship be saved? Find out on next week’s Made in Chelsea.