Over the years we have witnessed an array of important people battling the earth’s sandy plains whilst exuding a tenor of desert chic. Laurence of Arabia, Rick and Evelyn O’Connell, Indiana Jones and Carrie Bradshaw have all delved into the realm of desert couture.
Yet, never could we have hoped for a more satisfying sub plot in this week’s episode of Made in Chelsea as we witnessed Francis Boulle hacking across the hot Arabian Desert in a bid to find himself. “I’ve pretty much memorised every mole on my body,” he boasted. What a charming thought.
His network provider proving money really can buy a diamond heir everything; the cleverly placed sequence was interrupted by a phone call typical of an Orange Wednesday advertisement – minus the extras. The long distance call came from none other than our favourite “boy” – a rather excitable Jamie Laing, who was poised outside a bank in London, about to embark on his first business venture, Candy Kittens.
One of the few left behind to “work” whist the rest of Chelsea
enjoyed “sex on the beach” – by the glass of course, this is the Emirates after all; Jamie called Francis to check up on the gang, mainly Spencer and Louise.
Last week’s episode
saw him and Louise get together after five long weeks of will they, won’t they?
The question this week though, was whether or not Louise would be lured back in to bed with an even smarmier than usual Spencer? I have been saying it for weeks – but what about Dubai? What about Dubai? We have all seen pictures of the pair in The Sun, no? Um, me neither...
It was all getting rather Orange County this week; though with bikinis, bellini’s and bad shorts, the socialites did our ‘Brits abroad’ prototype proud.
Soaking up the Arabian sun, Louise and Millie relaxed with cocktails whilst Spencer did a lot of walking around, radiating egotism and self-importance, a bit like the male pigeons of Duke of York Square – chest out, beak up.
“I don’t know if I can pretend to like Sophie anymore” – Spencer smirked as he spoke of his Dubai date Sophie Lilly, with a somewhat derogatory tone, “I’m far more drawn to my ex girlfriend.” What he meant to say I am sure, was “I am far more drawn to anything I can’t have?” yes?
Sophie Lilly was looking perfectly lovely in her silky burnt orange number, complete with matching pout, blue eyes and jet black hair. Gracefully acceptant of Spencer’s lame excuses – “It’s my fault, it’s definitely me you know” and we stared at our screens in amazement. Obviously not content unless he is chasing someone else’s beautiful girl, Spencer focused his efforts on Louise on the eve of her twenty-second birthday, driving her off into the Arabian night in a Ferrari, not to be seen until sunrise.
Meanwhile, back in Chelsea we were having drinks with a rather pallid pair of Chelsea girls who could certainly benefit from a week or two in Dubai; Cheska and Rosie were having a good old bitch about Kimberley this week.
Tall, tanned, blonde and beautiful, I cannot possibly imagine why they should have a problem with her?
Oh, so apparently she goes on one too many dates with the local boys? I am still not convinced that this makes her a social whore, given the fact we were introduced to her character as ‘Proudlock’s friend from church’. I detect a hint of jealousy here girls?
Speaking of Kimberley, she was feeling a tad regretful after turning down the offer of dinner with Richard Dinan at the point to point in last week’s episode. “If you’re going to go there again then you need to make sure that you actually like him, and it’s a proper date” Cheska meddled this week, much to Richard’s embarrassment. A sure way to impress the man you like Cheska – attack the women he likes. Hmmm “What does desperation smell like?” Ollie asked at a restaurant in Mayfair this week, “Probably a bit like me most of the time,” she admitted.
Elsewhere in the United Arab Emirates, reaching that pivotal stage in their relationship, it was Natalie’s turn for a rather intense meeting with the parents as she and Hugo visited the home of Hugo’s father (Tim Taylor QC) in Dubai.
It turns out Miss Joel actually resides in the North of London.
“So you went up to Primrose Hill to widen the gene pool?” Tim asked Hugo. Ah, so this is what they are doing to solve the issue of incest within the group?
And so as yet another episode drew to a close, we saw the socialites enjoying the last of their holiday sipping champagne on board a yacht, everyone except Francis.
With Louise and Spencer’s shameful holiday activities out in the open, lurking towards the rear of the boat, Francis called an unsuspecting Jamie to give the poor boy the news, and as an oblivious Louise opened her second birthday gift from Links of London, Francis broke Jamie’s heart...
Next week Made in Chelsea
After hooking up with his best friend’s girl, Spencer is forced to choose between bromance and romance as he and Louise arrive home from Dubai to face a distraught Jamie – “You’ve sacrificed everything for her” he accuses. Hugo encourages Jamie not to lose both his best friend and girlfriend but can Jamie forgive and forget so easily? Finally, “I want you to be my girlfriend,” Spencer opens up to Louise in an attempt to make the couple official, but will she be prepared to give the infamous bachelor everything that he wants?
Find out the answers to all of these questions next Monday, at 10pm on E4 or follow @kingsroad on Twitter for live updates.