Transgressions more appropriate of Wisteria Lane, Made in Chelsea hung a dark cloud over the residents of King's Road last week as the gang returned home from their holiday in Dubai. Louise arrived back in the Royal Borough with Spencer, only to find a distraught Jamie sprawled on her doorstep - a scene which evolved into a sloppy confrontation, leaving us with little hope of a happy ending to the shows most monotonous storyline to date.
Clutching it with her life, Louise sobbed into her IKEA travel pillow; cowering in her flip-flops and beach shorts as Jamie accused her of being “so weak” for sleeping with his best friend, after vowing in the previous episode, that she would never so much as kiss the love rat Spenny “ever again”.
Seven days later, glowing from a week in the Arabian sun, Spencer smugly shrugged off the accusations of any wrong doing on his part and Jamie fled the scene in a clichéd jealous rage to the apartment which he now shares with Spencer – scratches head.
You may be surprised to hear then, that both Jamie and Spencer went home alone that evening, figuratively speaking - because neither of the boy’s went home with Louise and when did Jamie gain sole custody of the bachelor pad and chapel room? Or did I fall asleep and miss something crucial during last week’s episode? Probably not.
The plot sequencing was a little out of touch in last week’s episode, as the next few scenes to grace our screens showed Spenny looking rather dapper on the river side of a sunny Battersea Park, where he made his first attempt to call a seemingly regretful Louise.
Perhaps he had spent the night in the park after all? Smart phone in tow, he would make a rather reputable edition to the anti-capitalism campaigners at St Paul's, according to expert Francis Boulle – minus the Rolex perhaps, the suit, and the Hermés tent – because let’s face it, one cannot imagine Spencer sleeping al-fresco in anything much less.
Alas, it seemed Louise was only answering to female company this week which came in the form of Natalie and Millie, who showed up rocking this season’s baby blue McQueen, brightening the mood a treat.
“It’s not in my nature to do something like that” Louise reflected in her kitchen as Millie made an attempt at breakfast for the girls, by placing a paper bag full of ready baked goodies on the table, standard.
“What we need” Millie advised, “is a spa day – no phones and no boys.” Of course that is exactly what Louise needs - Made in Chelsea’s answer to everything?
A trip to the spa when you are trying to get over a break up, the odd cupping and sucking treatment when you are avoiding a friend, egg therapy when you just want a good old bitch and let us not forget the wonder that is anti-gravity yoga – a sure way of figuring out ones sexuality, as tried and tested in series two.
After hopping into bed with her ex boyfriend in Dubai, shattering Jamie’s hopes of making her his “little one” and breaking the bromance between the pair of friends “FOREVER,” I feel it is going to take a little more than a manicure or facial to solve Louise’s man troubles this season.
And so Spencer turned to his “sexy agony aunt” Binky for advice this week as Jamie focused a teeny weenie bit of his fury towards an unsuspecting Hugo at the Pantechnicon public house and dining room, Belgravia.
“I felt that you didn’t have my back in Dubai” Jamie accused Hugo, who’s only defence was that he found the whole situation “endearing,” because “endearing” is what we were all thinking, right?
How adorable, Louise was cheating and Spencer was getting his own way... again. Yes, it was the cutest thing since Proudlock’s backpack debut in series two.
Speaking of endearing, elsewhere in the Royal Borough, the show reached its pivotal point in the third series this week, as the moment arrived for the unveiling of Mark Francis’ “bronze cast,” which for the ‘eighties-kids’ amongst you, turned out to be more reminiscent of Art Attacks talking clay ‘Head.’
“Do you like it?” Victoria beamed at him.
“It’s growing on me” was Mark’s initial response, as he glared at the piece which looked like a sort of tribute piece to Medusa’s last victim – does it come in any other colours, I wonder?
Meanwhile: “Jesus was like a super hero, he just got shit done” Francis added to his book of knowledgeable quotes this week in an attempt to help Jamie overcome his girl problems. Francis also brought a crate of Heineken along to the so called “whisky room” a sure way of drowning out the sound of his own monotone drool and proving that the economy has shot the best of us. If only we all had friends like Francis Boulle?
To sum up the drama of last week’s episode, we were introduced to Natalie’s un-identical twin Karin – another ex of Spencer’s to join the cast, Richard took Kimberley for a helicopter ride and Millie got into a fight with Cheska and Rosie at the spa – “I’d rather get to know the rest of this bottle” she pouted, referring to Rosie’s partner in crime Victoria and their latest tag-along Cheska, who will befriend anyone, it seems, in the hope of a storyline. Series four you say? Now where is that axe?
Finally, despite a last plea from Jamie, Louise decided to give her and Spencer another shot.
Note to self, should one need a place to discuss matters of the heart, Albert Bridge now provides the perfect backdrop.
Tonight on Made in Chelsea
Desperate to ruin things for Richard and Kimberley, as their relationship progresses to a second date, Cheska rakes up the past by inviting Kimberley’s ex boyfriend Diego to a local event. Is Cheska about to reveal the darker, secret life of Chelsea’s golden girl Kimberley Garner?
Find out in tonight’s episode of Made in Chelsea.